LOW POINTS

Hit a new low in the self destructive behavior pattern this weekend. There are certain memory gaps leaving me to wonder just how embarrassed I should be, but I seem to have come through relatively unscathed once more. It’s a scary situation I’d rather not find myself in again, and I doubt luck will continue to be on my side indefinitely.

My upbringing tells me I should be well into a shame spiral by now, but I feel oddly detached and unaffected. It’s the same sense I’ve had for some time now. Can’t help but wonder if this means I’ll keep pushing boundaries until I find something that causes enough damage to actually matter.

So, if I know my actions are stupid, purposeless and aren’t even fun past a certain point, should I look into getting help? If I know the obvious answers for how not to find myself in the same position again, would talking to someone make any difference?

Is interesting and dangerous a better choice than safe and bland? Will either make me happy? Haven’t made up my mind just yet.